Paper For Seats

WHAAAT is this thing females have about leaving the toilet seat down?

A little tap works wonders, ladies. One word. Gravity. When you lift it up you're fighting gravity. Tap and the thing will whoosh-whack-bump its way down. Order restored. Easy peasy, innit?

I don't know where this is coming from. Perhaps I'm just turning into a reverse feminist. (I’m supposedly unfeminine enough to give friends trouble when they try and picture me as someone’s girlfriend, get that.) But boss, when something bothers you all day long, you bloody well hammer keyboards about it.  Life's a series of buttons being pushed anyway.

And anyway, why does the toilet seat in particular get to decide a guy's standing on Le Scale de Chivalrie? Toilet paper would be a better option, no? Something like this -

Roll and guy not to be seen? Never mind... that's why Femina advises against monogrammed ones anyway. Unless they're designer, dahlings! :|

Roll of toilet paper still to be seen? He isn't a petty thief. Then again, maybe it's just thanks to the CCTV thrill/scare you gave him earlier.

Roll in place? He cares.

Ripped but diagonally? Oh just them big, clumsy fingers...

Razor sharp, horizontal line? Keeper!

Unused? Get the noose ready, he's putting your needs before everything else! Alternately, he could be a complete sloth and slid clean off the list, clearing the bottom margin some. The trick is to decide on either funda and stick with it.

See, that's all there is to it.

All said and done though, this still makes me laugh -

Oh and that line about life being a series of buttons being pushed was profound. And original. You just don't know it yet.